‘If/Then’: Sex, fate & the single 39-year-old

DIVA IN THE CITY: Idina Menzel in ‘If/Then’. Photo: Joan Marcus

By Scott Harrah

If you were hoping the new Idina Menzel vehicle would be a cerebral Manhattan musical about the single life, then you will be disappointed by this overstuffed, overlong show. If you’re an Idina fan, you won’t care (and you’ll cheer and scream along with her adoring minions, many of whom idolize her with the passion teenage girls have for One Direction or the “Monsters” exude for Lady Gaga). Be forewarned: This is no Wicked or Rent. Yes, Idina, the golden-throated diva (the one John Travolta called “Adele Dazeem” on the Oscars) reigns supreme here and gives the role everything she has, belting out Tom Kitt and Brian Yorkey’s mid-tempo pop songs with her powerful voice. However, even La Menzel, with all her talent, cannot transcend such shoddy material. One might think this could have been a distaff, modern-day version of Stephen Sondheim’s Company, that 1970 classic about a “thirtysomething” single guy in New York, but If/Then lacks the sophistication, simplicity, humor and edge necessary to make any urban stage epic ring true.

Book writer Brian Yorkey tries so hard to make this a hipster saga of 21st century New York, but it has as much veracity about metropolitan life in our beloved Big Apple as a half-baked old episode of TV’s “Friends.” Granted, there are all the contemporary nuances and characters here, from bearded street musicians to military dudes to young gays wanting to marry and adopt kids, and nice touches such as a scene depicting the daily annoyance of being stuck under the East River on an “L” subway train, listening to some garbled MTA worker on the lousy PA system mumble gibberish about delays. Mark Wendland’s colorful, kitschy sets, with umbrella-covered tables in Madison Square Park, fluorescent skies, cartoonish skylines and reflecting mirrors in the sky seem like a 1960s, acid-dropping Los Angeleno’s vision of a cleaner, Technicolor New York that has never, ever existed.

Ms. Menzel plays Elizabeth, a woman who sings about “flirting with 40” (she’s about to turn 39), is recently divorced and has just returned to New York after 12 years in Phoenix. Here’s where the truly contrived and inane part comes in: She’s a woman torn between two worlds, and some songs illustrate the concept of “what/if” we chose a different path in life. One part of Elizabeth is “Liz,” the romantic type who wants to swing in the dating world, while “Beth” is the serious career woman, ready to use her PhD in urban planning to focus on work. Picture a hornier, older, neurotic version of Mary Richards on “The Mary Tyler Moore” show and you have Elizabeth/Liz/Beth. Instead of Rhoda Morgenstern as a best friend, Elizabeth has Kate, a spunky lesbian kindergarten teacher (Tony winner LaChanze, giving the show’s true standout performance and bringing badly needed stage presence and electricity to an otherwise stillborn show). However, Mary Richards in “Mary Tyler Moore” had enough sense to live in the read world, but Elizabeth keeps singing song after preposterous song about a parallel universe and what she might have been had she chose a different path, fell in love with a different guy, blah, blah, blah. One wonders if the creators of this show realize that career women have had families for decades, so there is no need for any “Liz” and “Beth” in a parallel universe here.

Yes, this is a musical, but the Playbill has no song list, and one of the most memorable numbers (only because it is particularly amateurish) rhymes that oh-so-eloquent musical theater catchphrase “what the fu*k” with luck, and so on. Mr. Yorkey and Mr. Kitt spin a turgid, pseudo-intellectual soap opera mired in platitudes and clichéd characters. There is the radical activist Lucas (Anthony Rapp, Idina’s former Rent co-star). Lucas is an old school pal of Elizabeth’s, and he has a cute doctor boyfriend, David (Jason Tam). Josh (James Snyder) is a good-looking Army doctor just back from overseas duty. After meeting her in the park, Josh asks Elizabeth out on a date and sparks fly.

Elizabeth, who taught urban planning back in Arizona, lands a nice city government job from her old friend Stephen (Jerry Dixon), a married man who becomes her boss and has the hots for her. There are various characters, ranging from office assistants to a flight attendant and a bartender, all rather one-dimensional and adding nothing to the already confusing narrative.

Brian Yorkey and Tom Kitt and director Michael Grief are best known for Next to Normal, the musical about a bipolar woman nominated for 11 Tony Awards in 2009. A show with this much pedigree and a star of Idina Menzel’s magnitude had a lot of potential. The show’s journey to Broadway and its out-of-town tryout in Washington, D.C. has been well documented in the showbiz world, and one would think director Michael Greif had plenty of time to tweak the show and cut out many of the pointless, go-nowhere scenes and songs. Although it is a thrill to have Idina Menzel back on Broadway, she deserves a show more solid and worthy of her many gifts than this.

SHE’LL TAKE MANHATTAN: Idina Menzel as a 39-year-old divorcee in ‘If/Then.” Photo: Joan Marcus

‘RENT’ REUNION: Idina Menzel & Anthony Rapp in ‘If/Then.’ Photo: Joan Marcus

KITSCHY NY STATE OF MIND: Idina Menzel in the colorful Manhattan fantasy world of ‘If/Then.’ Photo: Joan Marcus

PARTY GIRLS: Friends toast Idina Menzel in ‘If/Then.’ Photo: Joan Marcus

Edited by Scott Harrah
Published April 4, 2014
Reviewed at press performance on April 3, 2014